I made three mistakes today, one of them much more serious than the others; I lost my travel pass, most likely on the platform at Sheffield Railway Station. I've had something hanging heavy on my mind these last few days and I've not been thinking straight - I've also not been eating or sleeping as well as I normally do...and I've even been vomiting because of the stress and worry. So I thought a day out in the Peak District doing what I like best would do me good...well it didn't quite turn out according to plan.
The second mistake I made is that I accidentally deleted all of the photographs I'd taken: by comparison, my final mistake seems relatively inconsequential - just a minor lapse of concentration resulting in a navigating error.
Anyhow here's the trip report for today's walk, written on the bus coming back from Bakewell; after I'd realised I'd deleted the photographs, but before I'd lost my travel pass.
After the short bus journey from Bakewell I arrived at Monyash just before ten o'clock. I left the village and headed northwards along the Limestone Way to Flagg, and then Chelmorton.
There's a footpath through the fields at Flagg which runs parallel to the village high street and I would have used this but there were a couple of large Duke of Edinburgh Award Scheme groups [teenagers] looking lost and confused and I didn't want to be dealing with this, so I took the easy option and just walked through the village.
I was going to eat my sandwiches in the churchyard at Chelmorton but there's a smelly farm right next to it and so I walked further down into the village, but upwind of the farm, and sat on a bench.
I left Chelmorton and continued westwards down into Deepdale, and then climbed back out again until I reached the road about half a mile south of King Sterndale, although this is where the parish church is. Unfortunately I went the wrong way because I forgot to stop and check my map. I took the wrong path and ended up going about a mile and a half out of my way. I love maps, but I like to look at them when I'm at home and not when I'm out walking. When I'm walking I only want to be stopping to admire the scenery and take photos. This is an error I regularly make and it's a habit I need to break, but it's a right bind to get access to my map case in cold weather when it's hanging round my neck and I've got cold fingers and several layers of clothing to unbutton and unzip. What I really need is a map bib or pinny which I can hang from my neck and fasten round my waste...and wear over the top of all of my other clothes. I'd probably look like a right pillock though and would get a lot more abuse than I already do.
I only needed to walk along the road near the church at King Sterndale until I found the footpath heading directly to Buxton via Cowdale and Staden: I didn't take any photographs at either place.
Unfortunately there are no photographs included in today's trip report because I accidentally all of my images on my camera as I was looking at them on the bus. The camera is so complicated and fiddly...and so bloody small; every button is tiny and has multiple functions and it's so easy to press the wrong one, or even two or three at the same time. I just need a camera, a larger camera, that's only got basic functionality and is easy to use - just press a large green button and it takes the photo and press another button to view the stored images. I don't want to shoot high definition moving images, add special effects, mess with the exposure and contrast settings, couple the camera up to the internet, edit or compress my images...or whatever else it does that I don't know about. [By the way, why is it even possible to delete images on a digital camera without seeing some sort of final warning message before it's actually done?]
Today has been a good example of how my life can do sometimes. With me being nearly always on my own all the time and having to push myself to the limit just in order to feel that I'm still alive I can be very vulnerable and exposed. If I'd been with a walking companion I'm sure we would be checking the map; it would be social and co-operative thing to be doing...and i wouldn't have been messing with my camera because we'd be chatting on the bus, or maybe we'd even be travelling by car. My life is diminished in so many ways because of my Asperger's syndrome and the resulting loneliness and social isolation...and my clumsiness as well of course.
Taking photographs is how it is with a lot of things I do: I'm very good at one aspect of an activity but absolutely useless at everything else that needs to be undertaken. Quite a few people have commented how good some of my photographs are, easily up to professional standards...and I believe them, but I couldn't even consider training to be a professional landscape photographer when I'd never be able to use a camera correctly and effectively and would never fully understand the technical aspects of photography.
Despite my problems and mistakes today I still enjoyed my walk, as I always do. I sometimes get a bit frustrated and angry with myself and the world though because I believe that I'm not living the life that I should be...and the different, and much better, outcomes that I'm convinced that I'm capable of achieving.
Finally, just to cap off my day...I attempted to apply for a replacement travel pass online. I needed to scan several documents and email them...but I couldn't get my scanner to work. I'll try again tomorrow...or take the documents into town to be photocopied and then posted off...adding to the delay. So, I won't be walking again for a few days, probably more than a week.
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